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In life, we focus on all the things that don’t matter until the things that matter are the matter.
I have been so focused on chasing dreams, accomplishing goals and taking care of business. We have all heard several personal and generic cliches. I was determined not to make it a year full of words with no action. My personal motto (Accelerate.Acheive. Accomplish) were not going to haunt me going into 2021. I am determined to endure and see fruition of my dreams.
While pursing, I strategized a plan to map out a road to getting there. With some research and time I can figure out exactly what I wanted to do and how. It was not just all business but personal too. I made several lifestyle changes to help better manage my weight, time and mental space. I even planned some “me time” by securing two trips. . One local and the other international travel. Truly, I would begin to enjoy my life whether by leap, bound, hop, skip or mini step. I learned that the secret is celebrating the small victories on your way to your goal. I even hosted a Vision Board Worshop highlighting pointers I used to get me out of my rut. Things seems to be going well. I am finally checking things off of my list and then it happened…. life happened.
At the beginging of the year, the Arts didnt seem so appealing to me, although I made some changes something was up with my energy levels. I pushed past it and participated slightly anway. People who knew me automatically thought something was up. “If your not dancing or singing then we need to talk” said of my close friends. I couldnt pin point it. I went to my doctor took things to get my energy up. I pushed passed and ignored the matter. Coming into January 2020, while my dance team spun in golden glory with smiles on thier faces, I sat in support. I didnt realize it then but this was going to be an interesting year. I had the flu, I got over it and I said I will join the next. Going to the studio with my ministries Praise team was a challenge. I noticed that my breathing was compromised and I didnt know why. Once again, Something isnt right, I took off work and went back to the Doctor. As usual, they blamed everything on my weight and just dismissed everything else. I have always been plus sized but it never stopped me from being a Cheerleader, dancer or from anything I wanted to do before. Finally, antagonized my Physicians and they ruled everything out as to Asthmatic complications.
Fast forwarding, I got laid off and then begun seeking new employment. During this time I did take public transportation but was precautions with recent news of the Corona virus. New Yorkers, were so paranoid as well as prejudice. Many avoided Asian poeple, business and more. I thought about the ignorance and said “This is a metropolitan city, its a melting pot of culture, we have international commerce and trade there is no way to avoid contact interntionally and locally.”
Eventually,I got sick and thought it was a common flu and took time to self medicate. My common cold lead to extreme Asthmatic exaspirations and for the first time, I was admitted into the Hospital. My experience here will follow in a another blog but boy has it been a ride. I was discharged and told its a common cold just manage my Asthma. Five days later, I felt as though someone was trying to stiffle me in my sleep. Its the scariest thing being unable to breathe suddenly. Gasping for air seconds at a time and fighting to remain. I didnt know that this would become the next few weeks of my life. Keep in mind, I had recovered from the flu twice already at this point.
I choose to return to the hsopital. This time in the height of the Carona Virus outbreak. I was greeted outside the doors by a Medical team asking me if I were sick?. This was the only way inside. If I wanted to get checked out I needed to speak up and fast. I breifly explained the night fevers, body aches and inability to breathe. I was asked to enter and this is when my reality shifted.
After going through the entire process of one screen, test and lab at a time. Eventually, I was greeted by my Doctor who just ripped the bandaid off by saying “You tested positive for COVID!” as she stood in front of me in full gear. I had to ask her to repeat the diagnoisis. I felt as though my entire world crashed. All of a sudden the “Carona or Rona” memes and jokes arent so funny. Its me fighting for my life, absolutely nothing fun about that. I knew I needed to shift into fighter and survivor mode. Tears in my eyes, pleading with God and holding on with prayer and a song of worship in my heart. I knew that all the things I was once focused on no longer mattered as much. My priority listing has just been radically shifted. Everything was on hold now including the entire country. I noticed a shift in body language with Medical Staff who arent as professional and got bombared with questions like “So how did you get it”… Silly rabbit its NYC you dont have travel outside the U.S to be in contact with interntional people and products. I knew then that I will be labeled and viewed a certain way. I deceided to write and tell my own truth. I barely traveled outside my own home before I got sick. I went from common cold to COVID19 positive. So many thoughts ran through my head. Social distancing will take on new meaning when I have to return to society. I know that in two weeks I will be much better. I know that this things isnt “taking me out” but its scary just knowing you have something that IS KILLING people all of the world. It is scary not knowing what your recovery process would be like and how it would impact your life.
Thankfully, I know God. I know Him as a healer, He doesnt do recovery but healing. My two infected lungs give Him praise now. Some day I will be doing a following up about my miracle. The whole case and point of the blog is to encourage someone. Although some things are deemed impossible in your life, with God they can and will change. I trust Him with my life. He was excited about me before I came, fought off death from conception and kept fighting for me all these years. He holds my world in His hands and He won;t let go. I wake up each day with thanksgiving and gratitude. If I didnt have a push to pursue everything He invested in me, I have it now. I don’t have time to waste and I have too much to do. My dreams and goals have more purpose and passion. I just want to encourage everyone. As you persue your life goals, have a “who” in mind. Are these selfish ambitions or do you want to impact lives? I have always wanted to impact lives but wasnt sure if my story was strong enough to compell others. Whoever you are, if God gave it to you it isnt for shelving, use it apply it and work it. Your story is significant, choose to fight for what you beleive in and thats all thats needed to make a difference. PLEASE, I urge you to use this isolation time wisely. Books can be wrtten, research done, reconnect with family you never had time for via Facetime, the next witty invention can be created or whatever you were too occupied to tackle, DO IT NOW!!!
Take care of yourself, each other and let NOTHING STOP YOU. Remember vallies exist between two mountains you just gotta get back up again!
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